Regret is one of those emotions that can feel like a slow burn—lingering in the mind, replaying what-ifs, and whispering the word should. Yet beneath that discomfort lies an often-overlooked gift: the chance to grow. As the article “How to Grow from Your Regrets” explains, regret isn’t just a wound; it’s feedback. It tells us what we value, what we missed, and where we can course-correct self-compassion and growing from our past.
At ImmerHealth, we view healing as a process that begins within the self, rooted in awareness, compassion, and honest reflection. Learning to grow through regret fits naturally into that philosophy. It invites us to stop turning away from our pain and instead turn toward it, with curiosity rather than condemnation. In this post, we’ll explore how self-compassion transforms regret into renewal, how science supports that transformation, and how holistic practices, like mindfulness, journaling, and herbal support, can strengthen the journey.
Understanding Regret: A Necessary Teacher
Regret is defined as a negative emotional state stemming from our perception that a different decision or action would have led to a better outcome. Psychologist Neal Roese, PhD, one of the leading researchers on regret, has found that it’s one of the most common emotions people experience when reflecting on life events. His research shows that regret often centers around relationships, education, career, and self-improvement—areas where people sense untapped potential or missed opportunity (Roese, Annual Review of Psychology, 2005).
But while regret can sting, it also holds purpose. In evolutionary terms, it acts as an adaptive emotion. It prompts learning. It helps us anticipate future mistakes and refine our judgment. Roese notes that the cognitive dissonance of regret activates the same neural pathways that underlie behavioral correction and moral growth.
In short, regret is the psyche’s built-in guidance system. It’s uncomfortable, yes—but it’s also deeply instructive.
The Role of Self-Compassion in Healing Regret
Regret often triggers harsh self-criticism: How could I have been so stupid? Why didn’t I act differently? This internal monologue can trap us in shame. But psychologist Kristin Neff, PhD, a pioneer in self-compassion research, has shown that people who respond to their regrets with kindness rather than condemnation experience greater emotional resilience, lower anxiety, and more sustained motivation (Neff & Germer, Mindful Self-Compassion, 2018).
Self-compassion involves three core components:
- Self-kindness – Treating oneself with the same care one would offer a friend.
- Common humanity – Recognizing that mistakes are part of the shared human condition.
- Mindful awareness – Acknowledging painful emotions without exaggerating or suppressing them.
These three pillars form the foundation of emotional growth. They turn regret from a self-attack into an opportunity for understanding.
A 2021 study published in Personality and Individual Differences found that self-compassion moderates the relationship between regret and depressive symptoms, meaning that people who show themselves compassion are far less likely to spiral into hopelessness after regretful experiences. In practice, this might mean reframing a past decision: I did the best I could with what I knew then. That shift in narrative doesn’t erase the regret, but it releases the self-punishment tied to it.
Reflection Over Rumination
The key distinction between reflection and rumination determines whether regret helps or harms. Reflection seeks insight. Rumination circles endlessly around the pain.
The article reminds us that growing from regret requires conscious processing: identify the emotion, extract its lesson, and integrate that lesson into future behavior, self-compassion, and growing from Mindfulness and journaling are invaluable tools here. When we slow down to name what happened, why it mattered, and what we’d do differently next time, we move from fixation to transformation.
A practical method is the “Three Rs” practice:
- Recognize what you feel without judging it.
- Reflect on what this regret reveals about your values.
- Redirect that awareness into intentional action.
For example, if you regret not maintaining a friendship, that feeling signals that connection is a personal value. The healing step might then be to reach out to another friend today. In that way, regret becomes a compass pointing toward alignment rather than guilt.
The Mind-Body Connection: Where Regret Lives Physically
Emotions like regret don’t just stay in the mind, they have a physical signature. Neuroscientists have observed that the same brain regions activated during emotional pain (particularly the anterior cingulate cortex) also respond during experiences of social rejection or moral conflict (Lieberman & Eisenberger, Nature Reviews Neuroscience, 2009). Chronic self-criticism can therefore keep the body in a state of mild stress activation, raising cortisol and suppressing immune function over time.
This is why embodied compassion matters. Practices like deep breathing, yoga, qigong, or walking meditation help the nervous system process emotional pain rather than store it. They remind the body that it’s safe again. In herbal medicine, nervine herbs such as lemon balm (Melissa officinalis), ashwagandha (Withania somnifera), and chamomile (Matricaria recutita) are traditionally used to calm overactive stress responses, supporting both the mind and heart during emotional recovery (Tierra, Planetary Herbology, 1988; Bone & Mills, Principles and Practice of Phytotherapy, 2013).
In ImmerHealth’s holistic approach, healing regret means nurturing both the psychological and the physiological. The heart and body need as much care as the mind.
Regret as an Indicator of Values
When we feel regret for not pursuing a creative passion, for instance, it underscores that self-expression is one of our core needs. When we regret neglecting our health, it tells us our body’s vitality is deeply valued—even if we had forgotten to act like it.
Daniel Pink’s book The Power of Regret: How Looking Backward Moves Us Forward (2022) synthesizes over 16,000 survey responses and concludes that regret falls into four universal categories:
- Foundation regrets – Poor choices about stability, like health or finances.
- Boldness regrets – Not taking chances when the opportunity arose.
- Moral regrets – Acting against our values.
- Connection regrets – Letting relationships fade.
These categories mirror the human drive for meaning, integrity, and belonging. Once we identify which type of regret we’re feeling, we can tailor how to respond, through health rebuilding, courageous action, moral repair, or reconnection.
Pink emphasizes that regret “clarifies what makes life worth living.” Instead of dwelling on failure, it highlights priorities. In that way, regret can become a spiritual teacher.
Healing Practices: Turning Reflection into Renewal
Here are several integrative approaches, emotional, mental, and physical, that align with ImmerHealth’s natural healing philosophy.
1. Compassionate Self-Inquiry
Ask yourself: What am I really regretting? Often the surface event hides a deeper unmet need. Journaling can bring this clarity. Write freely, without censoring. Studies show expressive writing reduces intrusive thoughts and physical stress symptoms (Pennebaker & Chung, Comprehensive Handbook of Psychology, 2001).
2. Loving-Kindness Meditation
This ancient practice (known as Metta) activates regions in the brain associated with empathy and emotion regulation. It begins with silently repeating phrases such as:
May I be safe. May I be at peace. May I forgive myself.
Regular Metta meditation has been shown to increase positive affect and reduce self-criticism (Hofmann et al., Journal of Clinical Psychology, 2011).
3. Herbal and Nutritional Support
When regret triggers persistent anxiety or sleeplessness, adaptogenic and calming herbs can support recovery:
- Ashwagandha – Lowers cortisol and supports resilience.
- Holy basil (Ocimum sanctum) – Calms the nervous system and uplifts mood.
- Chamomile – Gently eases tension and supports digestion (often affected by stress).
- Magnesium-rich foods – Dark greens, nuts, and seeds support muscle and nerve relaxation.
These don’t erase emotion—they stabilize the system so healing can occur naturally.
4. Somatic Grounding
Touch the earth, literally. Gardening, walking barefoot on grass, or grounding meditation helps reset the body’s electrical charge and soothe the overstimulated mind. In holistic psychology, this is known as earthing, a practice that reconnects the nervous system to the rhythms of nature.
5. Connection and Repair
If your regret involves another person, authentic communication is one of the most powerful antidotes. Reaching out—even years later—can relieve emotional burdens and restore integrity. As psychiatrist Bessel van der Kolk notes in The Body Keeps the Score (2014), “Trauma and shame are healed through connection.” Regret, too, asks for reconnection.
When Regret Turns Toxic
While regret can be a healthy feedback mechanism, prolonged fixation can lead to depressive or anxious states. Psychologists call this maladaptive regret, characterized by endless rumination and self-blame. Warning signs include:
- Intrusive “if only” thoughts that interrupt sleep or focus.
- Withdrawal from relationships due to guilt.
- Physical symptoms like tightness in the chest, fatigue, or digestive upset.
When regret starts eroding self-esteem instead of rebuilding it, professional guidance—such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) or mindfulness-based therapy—can restore balance. Studies in Behavior Research and Therapy (2016) found that CBT techniques that reframe regret reduce both emotional distress and avoidance behavior.
Holistic support can work alongside therapy. Techniques like aromatherapy with lavender, bergamot, or sweet orange essential oils can enhance mood and calm the body while psychological work takes place. ImmerHealth’s philosophy embraces this integrative model: modern evidence, traditional wisdom.
From Self-Blame to Self-Responsibility
Growing from regret ultimately means shifting from blame to responsibility. Blame keeps us trapped in the past. Responsibility acknowledges what happened and takes ownership for how to respond now.
A helpful mindset reframe is:
“That version of me made a choice based on what they knew. I honor them by learning from it, not by punishing them.”
This perspective merges wisdom with compassion. It honors the past without idolizing or condemning it.
The psychologist Carl Rogers called this unconditional positive regard—accepting the self wholly while still aspiring to grow. In the context of regret, this means you can recognize mistakes without losing self-respect. Growth happens when love, not shame, fuels the transformation.
Integrating the Lesson
The final step in healing from regret is integration—taking what you’ve learned and weaving it into your future decisions. This could look like:
- Creating boundaries where you once overextended yourself.
- Pursuing a dream you once ignored.
- Taking care of your health consistently, not reactively.
- Speaking honestly in relationships instead of remaining silent.
Integration turns regret’s pain into purpose. As the article notes, “Regret points the way forward, showing us what to cherish next time”self compassion and growing fro…. That’s how healing matures—through applied wisdom.
A Holistic Conclusion: Regret as a Portal to Renewal
Regret doesn’t mean failure. It means you cared. You cared enough to wish it had gone differently. You cared enough to want to grow. That spark of conscience is the seed of transformation.
Self-compassion gives regret direction. It helps us metabolize the emotion instead of letting it harden into shame. Combined with mindfulness, herbal allies, and connection to others, it allows the nervous system to soften and the spirit to reset.
At ImmerHealth, we believe that every form of healing—physical, emotional, or spiritual—begins with the willingness to look within. Regret offers precisely that invitation. When met with compassion, it becomes not a burden but a blessing—a reminder that we are still capable of change, still capable of care, and still capable of living more consciously in the days ahead.
References
- Roese, N. J. (2005). If only: How to turn regret into opportunity. Annual Review of Psychology, 56, 79–102.
- Neff, K., & Germer, C. (2018). Mindful Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself. Guilford Press.
- Pink, D. (2022). The Power of Regret: How Looking Backward Moves Us Forward. Riverhead Books.
- Pennebaker, J. W., & Chung, C. K. (2001). Expressive writing: Emotional processing of traumatic events. Comprehensive Handbook of Psychology.
- Hofmann, S. G., et al. (2011). Loving-kindness and compassion meditation: Potential for psychological interventions. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 67(6), 585-600.
- Lieberman, M. D., & Eisenberger, N. I. (2009). Pains and pleasures of social life. Nature Reviews Neuroscience, 10(3), 189–200.
- Bone, K., & Mills, S. (2013). Principles and Practice of Phytotherapy. Churchill Livingstone.
- Tierra, M. (1988). Planetary Herbology. Lotus Press.
- Van der Kolk, B. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score. Penguin Books.
- ImmerHealth Editorial (2025). Holistic healing perspectives on emotional resilience and herbal support.
